Sunday, April 01, 2007
Who is this woman?
Jon and I have been married just over four years. I wouldn't have thought I could grow too much, but thinking about Christine's questions helped me realize that I don't really know that girl anymore.
I was not exactly a kid when we married, but I was far from prepared to share my life and all that entails. I can remember our pre-marital counselor telling us that we "just made the cut" for age and success rates or something like that. At the time, I was probably rolling my eyes (on the inside)- I was twenty-seven years old, after all! My mother married at twenty, and my younger brother was making snarky comments about Jon maybe being my only chance. As far as I was concerned, I was getting long in the tooth.
Yeah, the age thing-- not really convinced that helps much. We were statistically old enough, but no more "ready" than anyone else. The funniest part is that, no matter what my expectations were, they were way off base. Whatever I thought about marriage, it pales in comparison to the reality.
Twenty-seven year old Kelly had no idea what was in store. She had not yet known the fear of leaving behind everything she knew to follow her husband into his dream. 2002 Kelly had not experienced the lows of not getting out of bed for days, or wondered if they would ever get their heads above water. But neither had she known the reassurance of a hand squeezing hers and a voice telling her that she was far from alone.
Four years have brought so many changes. I am far from the wife I should be, but with God's help and Jon's, I am making progress. I listen more and better; I let go more easily (a hard hard lesson); I pray more intentionally.
Is marriage what I expected? No, it is ever so much more. If this is what God can accomplish in us in four short years, the next thirty or so will blow my mind.